Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches By Margaret W. Jones, Ph.D.
Dr. Jones has written an intensely personal - yet I suspect quite universal - memoir of her experiences with bullying and peer pressure. Robbed of her childhood voice by abusive, neglectful parents, she was easy prey for neighborhood bullies, and grown-up pedophiles, as well.
Later, even as an adult and practicing psychologist, she found herself again victimized by her fellow congregants - and ministers! - at not just one, but three churches. When the peers in these cases couldn't coerce Jones to apply her "rubber stamp" to their status quo, their keeping up of appearances, they sought to deny her voice through systematically blacklisting - literally shunning, which one might have thought died in the 19th century, or only lived on in primitive societies - in order to marginalize and block her from worship at another church. Bullies grow up and change tactics, but they remain bullies. These events threatened Jones' hard won mental health when they triggered the old childhood trauma, the feelings of isolation, of not being good enough.
This is not a scholarly treatise on human behavior, as one might expect from a Ph.D., but a well-written chronicle of events that pulls us in and compels us to turn the pages. Scenes are depicted, characters are located, and the action propels the reader through the aptly titled chapters. Readers will be challenged, when the scene changes to the morning of September 11, 2001 and Jones learns of the attacks - told mostly in dialog - not to have an emotional flashback to their own September 11 morning. In following the story we know it's coming, but it ambushes us anyway.
Here is a courageous story, told well. It's the account of a woman who refused to be silenced. It's that one woman's story, but I believe she speaks for countless others.
(Locate this book by telephoning 781.341.0994, e-mailing pluckpress@verizon.net, or on amazon.com.)
Later, even as an adult and practicing psychologist, she found herself again victimized by her fellow congregants - and ministers! - at not just one, but three churches. When the peers in these cases couldn't coerce Jones to apply her "rubber stamp" to their status quo, their keeping up of appearances, they sought to deny her voice through systematically blacklisting - literally shunning, which one might have thought died in the 19th century, or only lived on in primitive societies - in order to marginalize and block her from worship at another church. Bullies grow up and change tactics, but they remain bullies. These events threatened Jones' hard won mental health when they triggered the old childhood trauma, the feelings of isolation, of not being good enough.
This is not a scholarly treatise on human behavior, as one might expect from a Ph.D., but a well-written chronicle of events that pulls us in and compels us to turn the pages. Scenes are depicted, characters are located, and the action propels the reader through the aptly titled chapters. Readers will be challenged, when the scene changes to the morning of September 11, 2001 and Jones learns of the attacks - told mostly in dialog - not to have an emotional flashback to their own September 11 morning. In following the story we know it's coming, but it ambushes us anyway.
Here is a courageous story, told well. It's the account of a woman who refused to be silenced. It's that one woman's story, but I believe she speaks for countless others.
(Locate this book by telephoning 781.341.0994, e-mailing pluckpress@verizon.net, or on amazon.com.)
posted by Joanne Carnevale | 2:53 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you, Joanne, for your kind words. You clearly understood what I was saying. Although it is true that my parents were neglectful and abusive, I still winced when I read it in your review. It felt a little disloyal. I debated where to start my story and if my early childhood history was relevant. As my writing evolved I came to realize it was integral to the point I was trying to make. It is my hope that by telling my story other victims will find solace and encouragement while churches will take responsibility for the abuse that occurs within their communities. The development and enforcement of harassment and conflict resolution policies would be a good place for them to start.
You speak of cherished memories and duely credit your parents so your account is balanced. Indeed, parenting seemed different for their generation - generally less involvement with the children. I do agree that your childhood experiences are relevant; they inform your reactions to the later events. The reader also better understands your reactions and the struggles for acceptance in a worship community. Indeed, by completing the early story, readers will be able to identify their own backgrounds regardless of where they are in their healing processes. I, too, hope your book sparks those positive outcomes. Thanks for your response.
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